I began a temporary "Seasonal" job in late November, just to help out with Christmas. Its not so bad- just busy. I miss my gym time every day. I miss having the luxury of eating when I am hungry or having a nice cold Diet Coke when I am thirsty. I miss having a clean house- although I must say that Ross is helping out a lot (could have something to do with the melt down I had the other day)- whatever the reason, I am grateful for his help.
To be completely honest- my mind is constantly cluttered with thoughts of "what I missed today because I was working" Like taking Jayce to piano lessons- the first week we left that job to dad he totally forgot about it- the boys went to the office instead. And then there is picking him up from school- sweet Baylies Futsal games- making dinner every night, kissing them goodnight when they are still awake, long talks with someone that I love, bath time, movie night, homework.
I am missing out on all of it.
Will they someday hate me and live miserable lives because I left piano up to dad, or because dad picks them up from school (I get to drop them off, but still, shouldn't I get to pick them up too?) And I live for futsal, soccer, all of that! Will she forgive me for missing a game? Will she feel like I was never there for her? And dinner wise- sure, Ross may be a better cook than I am but still, shouldn't I be here to supervise? I love homework time! I love our little talks. I love being with my family! Will they forgive me for missing 3 PTA meetings in a row? Not to mention Community Council Meetings- and Power Hour- Oh the list goes on and on and on!
Well, I am glad I got all of that off my chest! I feel a little better. Now- if I can just get through tomorrow! Sweet Kelcey is having a baby soon and the Fowlks/ward baby shower is all planned to happen at my place- problem is- I wont be here! Have to work of course! Thankfully Whitney and Amy and Kelcey's mother-in-law are stepping in to pull it off. Still, it stinks! I should be here! BOOOO HOOOOOO!