Friday, December 10, 2010

The CHAOS that clutters my mind....

I began a temporary "Seasonal" job in late November, just to help out with Christmas. Its not so bad- just busy. I miss my gym time every day. I miss having the luxury of eating when I am hungry or having a nice cold Diet Coke when I am thirsty. I miss having a clean house- although I must say that Ross is helping out a lot (could have something to do with the melt down I had the other day)- whatever the reason, I am grateful for his help.
To be completely honest- my mind is constantly cluttered with thoughts of "what I missed today because I was working" Like taking Jayce to piano lessons- the first week we left that job to dad he totally forgot about it- the boys went to the office instead. And then there is picking him up from school- sweet Baylies Futsal games- making dinner every night, kissing them goodnight when they are still awake, long talks with someone that I love, bath time, movie night, homework.
I am missing out on all of it.
Will they someday hate me and live miserable lives because I left piano up to dad, or because dad picks them up from school (I get to drop them off, but still, shouldn't I get to pick them up too?) And I live for futsal, soccer, all of that! Will she forgive me for missing a game? Will she feel like I was never there for her? And dinner wise- sure, Ross may be a better cook than I am but still, shouldn't I be here to supervise? I love homework time! I love our little talks. I love being with my family! Will they forgive me for missing 3 PTA meetings in a row? Not to mention Community Council Meetings- and Power Hour- Oh the list goes on and on and on!
Well, I am glad I got all of that off my chest! I feel a little better. Now- if I can just get through tomorrow! Sweet Kelcey is having a baby soon and the Fowlks/ward baby shower is all planned to happen at my place- problem is- I wont be here! Have to work of course! Thankfully Whitney and Amy and Kelcey's mother-in-law are stepping in to pull it off. Still, it stinks! I should be here! BOOOO HOOOOOO!


Pauline said...

That is hard, I don't know how you do it. It would be hard to miss out on the things of life that you enjoy, that is one reason I havent taken on a job because I still feel I need to be there for my kids, but then the other reason is that I am 53 yrs old and nobody hires an oldie like me so I havent been able to get a job, the only jobs out there that I could get I would have to work on Sundays and I won't do that so here we sit scraping the barrel each month but oh well life is good anyway. I wish you luck.

Des said...

We did miss you at the shower and I am sorry that you had to work. But I think I can speak with some sort of authority as far as the PTA goes- yes we missed you at our meetings, and YES we absolutely forgive you and just want you to be happy! Whatever choices you need to make in order for you to be happy is what you need to do. The PTA will still function as will the Community Council. Your family needs always has and always should be your top priority. You do what you feel is best for you and them and the rest will work itself out. I love ya and hope that you are able to enjoy this holiday season. :) *hugs*

gomersue said...

I was a working mother, my kids did not resent that fact. We made up for it on the days I was off. I was really able to spend quaility time with them and each minute mattered. The shower was nice and she got a lot of nice things. I am just across the street if you need help. I love that little guy of yours and he is more than welcome anytime. He would probably enjoy hanging out with us! Let me know.