Tuesday, March 31, 2009

So, I know you all have heard about the people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs! It was just that quick. the replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hot and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again!

My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

Two years ago, I realized my arms had been switched as well. On morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary! My body was being replaced one section at a time.

What could they do to me next?

Well, all of a sudden, my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck. That was when I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those "plastic" surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts! Stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something "lifted", look again - was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX! This is happening to women everywhere, every night.


P.S. Last year I thought someone has stolen my boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

Lately, I've noticed that these same thieves are getting into my closet and they are shrinking my clothes!
HOW DO THEY DO IT!?!?!?!?!

Be sure to warn all your lady friends... They are bound to be hit by these thieves!"

I thought this was funny and we could all use a laugh!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Great News!!

Its a GIRL!
Jordan and Whitney had their ultra sound and she was anything but modest!!
I hate to have to say "I told you so"- But I did tell him that it would be a she!!
Grandmas just know these things!
I am so HAPPY for them, and for us- can't wait to meet this little girl.

Another Great News moment- Kelcey passed her state boards on Monday! We are so happy- this has been a big worry for her- and she was awesome!

As for the other good news- the ring is in the mail- he designed and ordered and we are waiting, and waiting......... come on Ben! GEESH!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Happy Birthday

Hope its a great day!
Ben asked Ross if he could talk to him last night- Ross said "Do I need my shotgun?"
Ben answered "Yes, I would like to go rabbit hunting on Saturday."
I think he is going to fit in just perfectly!
We already love him and he makes Kelcey so happy!
Thats all I can say right now- the rest will have to wait until its really officially official!
Love you Kelcey-

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Shelli needs- Ross needs

Ok... you google your name and needs (shelli needs) and write down the first 10 web sites that are listed. It is a good laugh.

Shelli needs:
1- 7 Caged Tigers
2- Real Estate
3- Hells Bells (know where I can get them??)
4- a face lift (thanks- now can you help me convince Ross)
5- Insurance
6- to leave for work
7- new laundry (whats wrong with my old laundry?)
8- intervention and treatment (I am sure this relates to my facebook addiction)
9- help buying (maybe the real estate?)
10- a moving van

Ross needs...
1-time to fix past foibles (OH REALLY?)
2-A fro-pick (I think he has one in one of those boxes from the 80's)
3- to come out of the closet (really, there is nothing in there for you- GET OUT!)
4- some puzzle solving skills
5- to calm down (I second that!)
6- your prayers (PLEASE)
8-to go back to school
9- to give up now
10- a chippy job- (golfer, wood chipper, chip eater?)

I stole this from Becky- and it was very funny!
You should try it!

Dragon Breath

Jayce has foot nails, leg pits, leg bows, and puts on leg sleeves instead of pants- so I was not too surprised when he woke up last week with Dragon Breath- After all we have been watching Harry Potter non-stop for the last 30 days- dragons breath sounded like a very normal thing. Dragons breath made him tired and grouchy- and the fire in his belly hurt. I thought he was taking the imagination a bit far- and then I woke up with dragon breath!
Dragons Breath makes your throat burn- not really sore- but it burns- and it makes you feel SO tired- I even fell asleep during the Temple dedication-right in my chair- and the fire in my belly was rotten, and it makes you feel pretty grumpy, hence the rotten Monday. I think we have kicked that dragon throat for now, And I hope it stays away from you!

Monday, March 23, 2009

My Husbands Wife...............

Really needs a break!
Today I am venting! I do not like Monday- Its the day that I re-do everything that I did on Saturday-- Why cant the house just stay clean?? To top it off- today has been worse than a normally bad Monday- and its only 11:00-
I begin with waking Kelcey- because she HAS to be to work by 9:00- so 7:45 I am telling her to get up. I take Bay to school- wake Kelcey again- get a good workout in- wake Kelcey again, it is now 9! I get a shower- step out and here's Kelcey- she needs her Social Sec card and Birth Certificate-NOW- I ask- can I get dressed? Please? Preferably without an audience?? Long story short- it is now MY fault that she is an hour late for work and I have personally ruined her life because I cant seem to locate what she needs.- My naturally "curly everywhere you dont want it curly" hair has dried in this funky kind of do- I have cried my make-up off- my contacts are all weird- and I am just tired of everyone! I need a break!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

And then she crossed the line!

So- I had to put some tough love into action!
This was the worst day and the best day- really!
She made choices that were effecting our home and her siblings- she decided that she knew what was best for herself- so I kicked her out! I was not proud of that- BUT I knew it had to happen. She could choose to go live with the very people that were providing her with the "fun" life that she felt she wanted- OR she could choose to straighten up and be part of this home! Totally her choice! It took her a few days- but before she was welcome back into our home, she had made some decisions that will effect the rest of her life!
I know it has not been easy. She had to give up all of her friends, buckle down in school and get a job! I am proud to say that she has done this and more and that I am so proud of her! It was a long tough road! I have learned so much from her and I am thrilled to have her as my daughter!
I have a feeling about the 19th birthday! I think it will be the birthday that she will remember forever! Happy Birthday Kelcey! We love you!

The DARK ages

WARNING- you are now entering the DARK DAYS of Kelcey.
Jr High had its good moments- Kelcey learned to play the flute. She also went back to piano lessons and seemed to be happy. She sang in the school choir.
On the other hand she was becoming friends with some questionable characters and pushing her abilities to make her own choices to new limits.
Jr High ended- high school began.
My princess was lost- abducted by aliens maybe! I could only hope that she would return unharmed- safe and sound-
The mother in me began to question agency- I love it for myself, but I hate it for my children. Yes, she knew right from wrong, but she obviously wished to make choices that would simply make her life more difficult than it needed to be.
I cant tell you what went through her head- but I can speak from a parents point of view. I gained a very deep love for our Heavenly Father during this time. I learned for myself how difficult it is to watch your child struggle and suffer. I learned that no matter how much you want to help them, no matter how much you love them, they can and will and must make their own choices. They will suffer from some of those choices. I spent a great deal of time praying for her and mostly, just kept my heart open to accept her and love her always- no matter what!

0 to 12- in a few short minutes

We obviously chose the name Kelcey for our little princess, with the middle name of Kae (which is the middle name of my favorite aunt!)
A few things that are of importance to note right away are
1) I had always believed that parents could mold a child, personalities were developed over time with love and patience!
2)I was WRONG!
This little girl came fully loaded with her own personality. She is the reason that I own every child rearing book that was published in the early 90's- and then a handful more to get me through the teenage years!
Two very good words to describe her are INDEPENDENT and INTENSE!
She self potty trained before she was 2, and she could talk a mile a minute long before that. She went from a screaming baby to a talking toddler overnight and there never seemed to be a break. She adored her Uncle Mike (Graham) and I would cherish the days when he would stop by. She had his ear and mine got a much needed break. She has always been strong willed and voiced her opinions regularly. One such opinion was that her father had "no sense of fashion!" and she reminded him of this often from about age 2 on. Fashion to her was lime green jelly shoes, which she wore ALWAYS- including to bed- and leggings with lace at the bottom and whatever beautiful dress she could find. And then, of course, there were the accessories, which was always something shiny, glittery, and colorful!
We moved to Murray when she was 4. Our ward had few children and she became the girl who bore her testimony every fast Sunday, relishing in the adult attention, and often she would sing in Sacrament meeting.
At the age of 5 she had mastered "eye rolling" and "dirty looks" and often made her kindergarten teacher cry. Poor Mrs. Bailey! First grade brought on her first fight over a boy, which still makes her angry when she talks about it! 2nd grade she decided that she no longer loved dance lessons and would not continue with them, and she began piano lessons- and then eventually Karate lessons in 3rd grade- and then soccer in 4th grade- She developed reading skills early on and has always loved to be buried in a book. She also has a great love for writing and loves expressing her opinions through her letters. The Tooth Fairy once received a strong rebuking from Kelcey through a letter- No one was safe!
But somehow we managed to get the little princess through Elementary and into Jr High. And we had learned a great deal about our little one in the process.
She does not like to be told what to do- EVER! So if I were to say "Hurry Kel, so we are not late" she would purposely come to a dead stop and take her time- just to show me that I would not be telling her what to do. She does not like rules. One thing that is very clear is that the next few years are not going to be filled with fun!

Monday, March 9, 2009


Not now, silly! 19 Years ago! Okay so its old news, BUT Since Kelcey was born in March I decided to devote my blog to her this month. This will be a month of a mom remembering Kelcey. It should be fun. Prepare yourself for DRAMA!
Lets start at the beginning shall we?
Back in those days ultra sounds were not so great, so we didn't know we were having a girl- but I knew, the way a mom knows- good old intuition!
She was born on march 26 1990 weighing in at 6 LBS and 6 oz- 18 inches long
She had a great head of hair- dark black- stood straight up! And Grandma Duke instantly coined her the "Indian Baby" She also had colic, and regular bouts of croup! Most of our pictures of her in the early days are of a screaming baby- and a mommy holding her (I was screaming on the inside!)- A complete mommies girl. She cried for everyone but me!
Just for the fun of it (and because I found her baby book- yeah me!) Here's a look at the names we had picked out for our little one.

Jayce or Jase or Jasteon

Kelcey, Kelsee or Kelsie

Thats the exact list- weird that I think I have to give myself spelling options-
But still a bit interesting. We have only just begun. Pics and more to come on the life of Kelcey!

Saturday, March 7, 2009

You only buy the CHEAP stuff

That is Jayce's latest opinion of his parents.
Maybe we should sell him--- for CHEAP!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

What was I scared of......

A tribute to Dr. Seuss

I was walking in the night
And I saw nothing scary.
For I have never been afraid
Of anything. Not Very.

My favorite story says it all
Reflects the way I feel-
The scary things seem small
and sometimes they aren't real..

For example, Baylie rode the bus
from school to home today
The first time in 14(and a half) years
that she has traveled home this way

The second day she missed that bus
then had to call her dad
he wasn't really happy,
be he wasn't really mad.

Then strange things have been happening
when I stay up too late at night
The printer makes some screaching noise
and gives me a real fright

Then there is this man voice
that sometimes I can hear
I cant quite make the words out
but it instills a little fear

I have never admitted to that last thing
my kids would have me committed--TODAY!
But once my sister heard it too,
And what was I to say?

I have heard a male voice speaking,
from somewhere in the house.
Usually near the kitchen,
and I know its not my spouse!!

That's what I am scared of!!

It seems interesting that the land that we live on
goes back generations on the Fowlks side.
Ross's Great Grandfather was the
original owner of the land and the family
claims to have seen Grandpa Joe around now and then.
Simply looking after his family- watching over them
now and then. I have always hoped that Grandpa Joe
would not take a liking to Shelli- because she is a
bit of a CHICKEN! and I really do not like the idea
seeing ghosts!- Hearing them?? Well- I do not like
that idea either- but it has happened- maybe once
every few months and it is never a loud, frightening
voice- really a very calm and reassuring voice.
Sometimes I have thought that Jordan must
be here- so I have gone into the kitchen to greet
him, only to find myself alone. Weird, but
now that I have vented, I think this is okay-
in fact, maybe it is even awesome! To think
that there is possibly an ancestor just looking
about, seeing that all is well with his family,
maybe even saying "Hello"- that's cool. I can live
with that! (I think, for now!)