Tuesday, March 31, 2009

So, I know you all have heard about the people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs! It was just that quick. the replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hot and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again!

My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

Two years ago, I realized my arms had been switched as well. On morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary! My body was being replaced one section at a time.

What could they do to me next?

Well, all of a sudden, my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck. That was when I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those "plastic" surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts! Stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something "lifted", look again - was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX! This is happening to women everywhere, every night.


P.S. Last year I thought someone has stolen my boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

Lately, I've noticed that these same thieves are getting into my closet and they are shrinking my clothes!
HOW DO THEY DO IT!?!?!?!?!

Be sure to warn all your lady friends... They are bound to be hit by these thieves!"

I thought this was funny and we could all use a laugh!


Wendy said...

You are HILLARIOUS! I read this at school and started laughing out loud while my French I kids were taking a test. Luckily they already think I am weird.

Becky Gray said...

Shellie, You are super funny!!! You are a beautiful women, you have not been replace with anyone!!! I would trade my body any day... :)

*ShaRisE* said...

haha i thought that was hilarious!! kinda scared me to get older lol jk!! its already starting to happen!! :/ im trying to fight those little thieves early on in life and maybe just maybe they will get tired!! ... well at least i can hope!!

Leanna said...

Hillarious. I may just have to put it on my blog.